how do i love thee, let me count the ways

as you've probably realised the posts have nothing to do with the title.

anyway, my brother said something to me today that really hit home.
i was complaining about exams and he said "why aren't you ever happy?"
at first i got really annoyed and i banged the door and walked out of his room. but then i started thinking about it and i thought "ya know maybe he's right. im never happy. and i have no clue why. maybe i've been so wrapped up in other stuff i've just forgotten to be happy."

i hope its not true. but it seems like it is. have i really forgotten how to be happy? but thats ridiculous, no one just forgets how to be happy. or don't they?
im racking my brains for the last time that i was happy....

wait....

I've got it! it was when i was ironing my mother's ridah this afternoon (although i hate doing chores) and listening to "I don't feel like dancing" by the scissor sisters and "when you gonna give it up to me" by sean paul and keyshia cole. Both songs were on repeat and i was listening to them over and over. I've just put on "I don't feel like dancing" again and ya know what? Im happy! Honestly! Thats.....awesome!

So you see all it takes is a tiny little thing to lift up your mood. Who has time to worry about stupid little things like exams? As in I'll study tonight or tomorrow or the morning of the actual exam. Who cares right?! :D
imana leave you with this happy note. ta!

........

sometimes i write when im disturbed. and believe me im pretty disturbed right now. there are lots of hurtful nasty things in the world. but i dont want to know about them. im happy living in my own little world even if its make believe or cut off from the rest of the world. i want ppl in it whom i care about and who make me happy. i dont want any part of the cruelty that lingers in corners.

i just forwarded this corny email to some friends. because it was sweet. and it made me feel like there was hope for good to survive and evil to fall dead. i know this sounds corny too but if you'd been through what i have im sure you'd be just as...shattered. and i dont wanna know any more. seriously, bas.